As has been a constant habit of my past, I've let too much time go without writing, without producing something at all really. I've gotten too involved in vapid routines and that does nothing for be but kill the creativity inside of me. Which in turn kills the soul in me, killing me faster than death, that's the true tragedy.
I had been working on my third mixtape but something in between those days and today has stopped the progress. Honestly, lots and lots of different factors and habits have contributed to that and I'm finally starting to hunger again for alone time. Introspection and extroversion are battling for me much like my head and heart.
Self reflection must be at the top of my list of to-do's this week. Far too much time has been spent within some strange precognitive of sorts. Which is judgement of self and others and that is ultimately purposeless and painful for all involved. Tis a habit that must be broken down into the nothingness.
In my head but ahead and behind at the very same time. Analysis of everything makes it a peculiar sort of annoyance and joy. Ahh, the paradoxes of existences. As exciting as they may be, I would be best to calm myself more often and restart my meditation routines, alongside the required writing each day.
I need to remind myself of what I have rather than what I do not have. I need to remind myself of who I am rather than who I am not. Who am I? I am I. Like Bugs Bunny always says, "I yam what I yam", that's a funny 'cartoonish' way of acknowledging what god said he was; "I am that I am", "I am what I am" or simply, "I am".
And in the end, no matter my efforts to comprehend the nature of reality with cognition I have realized now it is futile. Mostly because it is the thoughts within my own thoughts that prevent me from simply living which is much the opposite of truly being alive. And being, existing in a pure state doesn't reflect or rejoice beyond the very moment. The moment now is all we have and it is to be, it is to breath, to live.
For all of this I want my next mixtape to be more about the present as I have done much reflecting on my past and that of others and while it has taught me great lessons in the process I am ready to do my absolute best to truly live in the now. I say this a lot but I think I have seen the slow decay that focus on the past does. Over the past few months I have seen what damage it does and how great that damage truly is. Great in its effect on our perceptions and more often than not the effect it yields is nothing but constant suffering.
I relish in both the light and dark, in the suffering and the bliss. There is great wisdom to be sought in each but one cannot truly comprehend if one does not focus in this moment and "so it goes".
Next album will be of the now. Remembering to forgive and forget. Remembering to move on. To let go. To simply embrace what is. Whether the moment seem of a positive or a negative essence the understanding of its truth is most necessary and in that is ultimate sublimity and beauty of which I am grateful and of life with all of its colors, lights, and shadows, and especially sound, I am unrelentingly thankful to exist.
I leave you with this quotation, an excerpt from what I have deemed, 'the song of my soul', "Night In White Satin" by The Moody Blues.
Breath deep
The gathering gloom
Watch lights fade
From every room
Bedsitter people
Look back and lament
Another day's useless
Energy spent
Impassioned lovers
Wrestle as one
Lonely man cries for love
And has none
New mother picks up
And suckles her son
Senior citizens
Wish they were young
Cold hearted orb
That rules the night
Removes the colours
From our sight
Red is gray and
Yellow white
But we decide
Which is right
And
Which is an Illusion
I had been working on my third mixtape but something in between those days and today has stopped the progress. Honestly, lots and lots of different factors and habits have contributed to that and I'm finally starting to hunger again for alone time. Introspection and extroversion are battling for me much like my head and heart.
Self reflection must be at the top of my list of to-do's this week. Far too much time has been spent within some strange precognitive of sorts. Which is judgement of self and others and that is ultimately purposeless and painful for all involved. Tis a habit that must be broken down into the nothingness.
In my head but ahead and behind at the very same time. Analysis of everything makes it a peculiar sort of annoyance and joy. Ahh, the paradoxes of existences. As exciting as they may be, I would be best to calm myself more often and restart my meditation routines, alongside the required writing each day.
I need to remind myself of what I have rather than what I do not have. I need to remind myself of who I am rather than who I am not. Who am I? I am I. Like Bugs Bunny always says, "I yam what I yam", that's a funny 'cartoonish' way of acknowledging what god said he was; "I am that I am", "I am what I am" or simply, "I am".
And in the end, no matter my efforts to comprehend the nature of reality with cognition I have realized now it is futile. Mostly because it is the thoughts within my own thoughts that prevent me from simply living which is much the opposite of truly being alive. And being, existing in a pure state doesn't reflect or rejoice beyond the very moment. The moment now is all we have and it is to be, it is to breath, to live.
For all of this I want my next mixtape to be more about the present as I have done much reflecting on my past and that of others and while it has taught me great lessons in the process I am ready to do my absolute best to truly live in the now. I say this a lot but I think I have seen the slow decay that focus on the past does. Over the past few months I have seen what damage it does and how great that damage truly is. Great in its effect on our perceptions and more often than not the effect it yields is nothing but constant suffering.
I relish in both the light and dark, in the suffering and the bliss. There is great wisdom to be sought in each but one cannot truly comprehend if one does not focus in this moment and "so it goes".
Next album will be of the now. Remembering to forgive and forget. Remembering to move on. To let go. To simply embrace what is. Whether the moment seem of a positive or a negative essence the understanding of its truth is most necessary and in that is ultimate sublimity and beauty of which I am grateful and of life with all of its colors, lights, and shadows, and especially sound, I am unrelentingly thankful to exist.
I leave you with this quotation, an excerpt from what I have deemed, 'the song of my soul', "Night In White Satin" by The Moody Blues.
Breath deep
The gathering gloom
Watch lights fade
From every room
Bedsitter people
Look back and lament
Another day's useless
Energy spent
Impassioned lovers
Wrestle as one
Lonely man cries for love
And has none
New mother picks up
And suckles her son
Senior citizens
Wish they were young
Cold hearted orb
That rules the night
Removes the colours
From our sight
Red is gray and
Yellow white
But we decide
Which is right
And
Which is an Illusion